The Narrow Way

A Cup Of Kindness

2011-11-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Some of the nastiest and most vile people that I've meet are people who call themselves Christians. They become so passionate they loose their passion for others--the fruit of the spirit is no longer visible, they've become Pharisee's! In their mind they're doing what we as followers of Christ are called to do--doing the work of an evangelist, fulfilling our ministry as stated in 2 Timothy 4:5, but in the process they've made it an us versus them mindset, a war if you will. And we all know that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)
It's all in your presentation! One particular blogger that I use to read and follow on twitter, as well as listen to their podcast, comes to mind. It is my belief that this person started out on the right track, but this individuals passion became his stumbling block, and now sounds more like an unloving, spiteful, hateful religious Pharisee. Though he/she may speak the truth, it's lost in the name calling of those who are unbelievers as well as though who have strayed from the truth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we don't take a stand, we are to persevere in correcting our opponents because it is imperative that they should know the truth, even though they might oppose the truth at present. There is a balance--but so many are tipping the scales.

Looking at 2 Timothy 2:24-26 "And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will."

Sin must be confronted, but our speech must always be seasoned with salt! And no, that does not mean sitting along side the world holding hands and singing kumbaya. Joel Osteen comes to mind. He is a prime example of what NOT to do and is the perfect example of a false prophet in action, telling people what they want to hear, caring more about the praise of men! He is not alone in this category, there are many well-known preachers who preach a different gospel. There are many more who are preaching the truth without compromise, stating the truth in love, always standing on the word and never wavering. Many people have made Jesus in their own image, but we are to reflect the true image of Christ in word and deed. How much could be accomplished if people would just give a little cup of kindness!

James 3:6-12 " And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

Got Jesus?

2011-10-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

One of my Facebook friends posted the following on their page the other day: Sometimes inviting someone to church can blow up in your face but don't let it get you down. They rejected Jesus too.

There is a misconception out there about those who don't attend institutional churches. For some reason people believe that institutional churches are the bar--and those who don't attend are really lacking in Jesus. They are on a mission to invite people to their show, I mean church to hear about Jesus, to experience the latest and greatest contemporary worship songs ever written--to have an experience--an encounter with Jesus. Is it about rejecting Jesus, or is it something deeper than that. Is anyone willing to go deeper to find out, or is it easier to dismiss it as a mere dislike for all things Jesus. Declining a church invitation does not equal rejecting Jesus. Like parents to children, , Christians are to be imitators of God as dear children. And being honest, these days there are many Christians who are seriously lacking and are acting more like carnal/casual "Christians". If you follow Christ then act like it. If you claim Him, live like it. The only person your fooling is yourself. Me and my husband haven't attended a church regularly for over a year now. I'm seriously tired of the "now your not suppose to forsake the assembling" comments, and the raised eyebrows. How arrogant and ignorant of the word folks are these days.

It's not our invitations to church, it's the way we live. John 13:35 "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for on another." Technically speaking, the "Church" is not for the unsaved but for the saved! The church is for follower's of Christ to come together, fellowship, worship, share, as brothers and sisters in Christ, who is the head of the Church. And might I add that the Church is His people. 1 Corinthians 3:16 "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?"

In case you've missed it, there is a great movement taking place these days. People like my family are leaving the "church" in droves, not because we don't have Jesus, or faith, we've left because for the most part, more than half of the churches kicked Jesus out a long time ago. We are just the few who knew when he left and followed.

Truth

2011-09-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

Just One Of Those Days

2011-09-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

I wrote this blog post 3 years ago. It is still fitting to this day. Enjoy!

The Proverbs 31 woman evades me. She is a ghost eluding capture within the pages of God's word on some days.

"She seeks wool, and flax and works willingly with her hands."

I seek peace and quiet when I get home from work and look forward to bed time.

"She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong."

I dress myself in modern day mu mu's for comfort, all while apologizing to my husband.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."

I scream, holler, and threaten exile to their bedroom for the remainder of the evening.

"Her children rise up and call her blessed."

My children rise up and call me mean mommy.

Maybe I'll be whisked away in a supernatural (God ordained) tornado to a land flowing with free facials, massages, and 100% cotton robes complete with fuzzy slippers. And when its time to return home I'll click my heels together 3 times while repeating, "there's no place like home."

This is what I've become ( I state to myself in frustration)----a haggard wife & mother who spends her days taming her children with a sharp tongue, washing laundry at every minute and trying to answer the question why boys can't aim and hit the toilet (that includes grown men). All this while trying to keep the little sanity I have left and convincingly trying to hide my need for Prozac and xanax.

At the end of the day, when the children are in bed (2 hours past their bedtime) and I'm finally left alone for a moment of peace I can't imagine my life being anything else. God never said the Proverbs 31 woman had it easy. He never said she wasn't like me and had 'one of those days", but He did say "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." And I'm laughing all the way to my knees in prayer!

Putting Things In Perspective

2011-09-12T19:38:00.001-07:00

I read something today that sparked a fire of outrage inside of me. It's the one thing that America has plenty of, it's the one thing that many take so much pride in that they can't see as far as the building their sitting in. If you guessed another mega church--you are correct. It seems that another church is planning the construction of another mega-church that will cost 35 million dollars! First Presbyterian Church of Colorado is building a "church" that will house a cafe, bookstore, library, childcare area, oh and let's not forget the sanctuary. This truly grieves my heart, breaks it into a million pieces really. The picture to the left really puts things in perspective doesn't it? Do you find it hard to look at the children--bones easily visible through their skin. Does it bother you to know that tomorrow, if they see tomorrow they will awake to the horror of another day without the basic necessities of food, water, shelter, or clothing? All while people pour millions of dollars into their magnificent buildings--their treasures here on earth that will burn, rust, and succumb to the elements. It bothers me, it grieves me, it saddens me, and it angers me! Will you think of these children, and other's all over the world who face these same bleak conditions when you get dressed in the morning jump in your car, enter your building that is as grand as a hotel lobby. Will you think of the least of these as you sit in your cafe, browse the bookstore, sip on your coffee, eat your pastries, and marvel at the beauty of the building that pride built? Will you think of them as you enter the grandeur of the sanctuary, sit in the plush seats, and try your best to be closet to the stage, listen to the newest worship songs, lift your hands in awe and wonder? As you look around at the huge TV screens, lighting, and admire the show, admire what man built--will you see the faces of those you really could have served? Sad to say most won't. Some call it church growth--I call it the pride and selfishness of man at its greatest. If I am grieved, I know that Jesus weeps!

The Truth Shall Set You Free

2011-08-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

"You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." Does this quote sound familiar to you? Through out my life--especially in church I've heard this quoted, more times than I can count. Since the institutional church is suppose to be real big on the truth--I wonder why there are far more churches turning their backs on the truth then those teaching it. We've been inundated with a false Gospel for so long half of the church folk wouldn't know the truth if the truth smacked "em up side the head--Maybe if the pastor said "Now turn to your neighbor and slap 'em upside the head and say the truth is here--are you listening." Sorry, couldn't resist that one. If most of these seeker driver churches were actually teaching the Biblical truth we certainly wouldn't see the spreading of humanism growing in the church at such a rapid pace that those who are leaving these churches do so for their spiritual health. The truth: most folks can't handle the truth--that's why they entertain _______ (fill in the blank).

Question: If it's for freedom that Christ has set us free--why are so many self-proclaiming Christians still in bondage? Some don't even know it-but they are-- nonetheless.

John 8:31 "Then Jesus said to those Jews, who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." They answered Him, " We are Abraham's descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can you say, "You will be made free?" Jesus answered them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed."

Several things struck me as I read Jesus' words and the replies from the Pharisees. In order to know the truth you must abide in Him and His word. Not the words of the pastor, or Bethel A.M.E. Zion Church, what the deacon/first lady says. How are you going to be truly set free if you don't know the truth? Yet, so many faithfully take everyone else's words as the pure unadulterated Gospel, never searching the scriptures and testing the spirits they encounter, always hearing the truth but never coming into full knowledge and freedom.

The reply of the Pharisees resound like many church folk today. The Pharisees objection--denial about their true condition is startling, considering that in the past the Israelites had been in bondage to the Egyptians, the Assyrians, and the Babylonia's. And at this particular time, Israel was under the power of Rome. In their arrogance, and ignorance they believed that religion could save them, especially when they themselves could not keep the law. They had no idea that Jesus was referring to spiritual slavery, which no man/woman has the power to break away from--He must have someone else set him free (Romans 8:3-4). They may have been physical heirs of Abraham, but they were not his spiritual descendants unless they had faith. In the futility of their minds, they could never grasp that--they heard the word but did not believe it, therefore they could not experience or know the truth--which is true freedom.

Please hear me--the truth is not based on our opinions, our views, and our feelings! This is one of the biggest problems within the body of Christ. The word of God is the only truth. I can't tell you how many times I see Christians give their opinions about sin by their own feelings and views--never taking it to Biblical authority, the same authority they claim to live their lives by. When I, you, or anyone else sees fit to dismiss this--we've become little more than Pharisees ourselves purposing and injecting our views all while placing Jesus at the bottom and ourselves at the top--which is a dangerous place to be. The man/woman of God who abides in the Word of God knows the truth and its there that freedom from the bondage of sin is. There is no other place for which true freedom exists!

Jesus said in Luke 4:18-19

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at

liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”

Living In A Babylonian Culture

2011-08-09T18:20:00.000-07:00

It is my firm belief that many institutional churches are not preparing and have not prepared the younger generation how to live in this Babylonian culture that we are living in. I'd go so far as to say they haven't prepared anyone. Now more than ever, we see a watered down gospel that caters to our wants rather than our needs, it's all about the numbers--the numbers draw the money. Living in the society that we live in, where the days are growing more wicked, people are growing more cold, and the world is loving less, too many pastors are obsessed with looking good and making you feel good. I'm telling you God is not pleased with those who call themselves the bride of Christ. Out of all the "Christian" television networks on today, I've not seen one that has any substance. Last night I caught TD Jakes preaching his watered down version of the gospel. He stated and I quote "The word of God is His sperm". Really! And all these folks could do was hoop, holler, jump up in down in agreement. Can't say that I was surprised though. Disgusted, I flipped the channel. Where are the Daniels, Hananiah's, Mishael's, & Azariah's of this age. (And they are out there) I'll tell you where they're not---on any so called christian programming show. I've been studying the book of Daniel--the Lord impressed it upon me to study and really look at these men of God. Here are a few points that I walked away with:

Daniel and company were brought from their land into captivity to Babylon. They were good looking, smart, able to learn, and chosen for those reasons to serve under the king. (Chapter 1)
The four men were stripped of their names and given names that the King chose, taught them their language and their culture in an attempt to make them take on the identity of Babylon.
Though these men were brought into the land of Babylon by captivity, they resolved to not defile themselves by partaking in any of the indulges' that the King offered--in food or wine.
They Loved God above all else and served Him only, fully trusting and believing Him.
They submitted to the King--but when it required going against God, they refused--holding fast to their identity in God. They knew who their provider was and was faithful--even in the face of death.

This for me paints the picture of what the Narrow Way is. It's not conforming, or compromising. The Narrow way demands our complete obedience to God, Christ, and the Word. If we are not grounded we will certainly walk or be lead into a ditch. It's not about fuzzy feelings, following after the next big move of God or the next big so called Prophet that prophesies lies. There is no doubt about it, you will face the furnace......the question is will you be willing to trust in Christ and take a stand. Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego lived in a Babylonian culture just as we do now, the difference between these men & the majority of so called Christ follower's...they knew the difference between the wide gate and the narrow one.

What's High On Your List

2011-08-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

I'm standing in the front of the classroom on this one, raising my hand high, my top ten list use to have Jesus at the bottom. Of course, I didn't realize that--because in my own mind I felt like I had Him at the top of the list. One of my complaints was--I never really have enough of time to incorporate any Bible Study in my time through out the week, or prayer time for that matter. I'd say "Lord, if only I had enough hours in the day to do all the things that I needed to do." Folks can I be honest here. Truth: We all have enough time in the day to devout ourselves to stopping and putting God first in every aspect of our lives. We have enough hours in a day, we have enough time even in our most hectic and chaotic days--it's all a matter of making choices, and wisely doing so. Simply giving God Sunday, and Wednesday Bible Study is not having a relationship with Him at all. Can you truly learn and have a relationship with anyone while devoting 1-2 days a week (if that) to building that relationship? The problem that many followers of Christ have is truly assessing our priorities and being honest with ourselves. Putting God at the bottom of the list puts everything else ahead of Him and that leaves us vulnerable. Then that's when we wonder "God where are you?" Hear me when I say this people--THERE IS A STORM COMING AND ONLY THOSE WHO ARE PREPARED WILL ENDURE IT! The only way to prepare is to study and immerse ourselves in His word and Prayer. Have you checked your list lately?

Can You See The Handwriting On The Wall?

2011-07-28T17:54:00.001-07:00

Much of the world, along with many people in the body of Christ are living in denial. Even in the wake of all the tragedies, natural & man made disasters that are and have taken place, there still exists an "it ain't true" mindset--everything is good and we'll pull through. The refusal to see the state of where we truly are will leave many caught off guard. The writing on the wall is so evident, so clear, I'm left scratching my head at how others still cry peace, peace---we just want peace. They say we need to coexist, we need to all get along--we serve the same God--for the sake of peace let us reason together and come to a clear understanding so that peace may reign. They are blind, deaf, and spiritually dead, having a form of godliness but denying God all together. Wake up-wake up you who slumber, the Master is at the door and He's closer than you think---than you want to believe. Now begins the beginning of the end. You have heaped up false teachers to tickle your ears, you have forsaken the narrow way and have chosen to enter by the wide gate! You lead the sheep astray, heaping up for yourselves treasures that will rust, and be melted away. You have no desire but to satisfy the desires of the flesh, you who call good evil and evil good. No more will your prayers be heard--no more will He incline His ear to hear you--now begins judgment. But those who are His know the time is near, those who have been called by Him know his voice and are sounding the trumpet. Those who are His have told you time and time again to repent! But you refuse--you say in your heart--time has gone on and will continue to do so---but you are wrong. There is coming a day when all will stand before the throne of judgment. Get your house in order, fall upon your face in prayer, fasting, seeking Christ for no one comes to the Father but through Him--the one and only son of God--He is Christ--Him crucified for the sins of the world. Can you not see the writing on the wall?

Welcome To The Show....We Call Church

2011-07-19T16:22:00.000-07:00

These days churches are looking more and more like a circus act that you might find in Vegas. In order to be relevant in this culture, many people believe we must take a cue from the world. Pastors are going for the dramatic--you gotta look like the world to draw 'em mentality. When I hear the words, epic, life changing, radical in association to any church a shiver goes down my spine--(I avoid such churches). These are the same people who've coined the phrase "Jesus was a rebel", which gives them the green light & justification for shallow, man centered, theatrical, circus like shenanigans. My question is--was Jesus truly a rebel (our definition of rebel)? In order to answer that question, let's look at a few truths about who Jesus was & still is:

Jesus called out the Pharisees--those who had a form of godliness, but denied Him--they honored God with their lips, but their hearts were far from Him..they were the religious.
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. Isiah 53:2
He reached out to the "least of these"--the outcasts--rejected. He loved them, broke bread with them--but was never influenced by them---He influenced them.
He demanded repentance--he demanded that we deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow Him. Sadly, many couldn't do that--because they loved the world too much.
Jesus never once compromised Himself to be relevant to the world-- He never took on the identity of the world, he demanded that we take on His identity.
He called sinners to repentance--for the Kingdom of God is at hand.

Acts 2:42-47 "42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common.45 And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."

In summary: The profession of their faith was in their actions, their devotion, their love for Christ, so much so that people were drawn to them--not by theatrics and pony shows--but by them actually walking the walk.

John 13:35 Jesus says:

³⁴ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. ³⁵ By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

None of the Apostles drew anything from the world--They looked nothing like the world. People are craving the truth--their tiered of the dog and pony shows--religious self seeking hypocrites who serve no other purpose than to tear the body of Christ apart, the people of God are tiered of the religious looking the part and not acting the part, the people of God are tiered of seeker sensitive churches and pastors, who are still on milk and not solid food. Tricks are for kids!

Can You Spot The Differences?

2011-07-17T13:51:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't like a good puzzle every now and then. I don't fancy myself a great mind in such things. However, I do enjoy the occasional logic puzzle, which requires more concentration than your typical "spot the difference pictures". As a child I loved those games you'd find in the back of a kid's magazine, or on the back of your cereal box. Even now that I'm an adult, I do enjoy the comparative picture puzzles. One thing is for sure--not all comparative pictures are alike. Some are easier, while others require you to take each object in the picture and break it down in sections. The differences can be slight to very obvious----just like the church. These days its getting harder and harder to actually find an institutional church that is centered on God and not man.

Galatians 1:6-10 "I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and turning to a different gospel--not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."

As you see, there is nothing knew about man...me..centered doctrines. The world will do what its always done --the problem comes ---when the world infiltrates the church,and the church starts taking on the identity of the world & looking more and more like the world and less like Christ, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power. Friendship with the world is enmity against God. My grandmother has a saying: "Honey, not everyone is a child of God." Words of wisdom that I've learned---some the hard way---but learned them. The only way to spot a fake is to compare it to the real thing. Never take what someone says as fact, search it and find out. There's a high price to pay in the end for compromising--I'm not sure many realize how high the price is----it's your soul!

1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are of God; for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit which confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, 3 and every spirit which does not confess Jesus is not of God. This is the spirit of antichrist, of which you heard that it was coming, and now it is in the world already. 4 Little children, you are of God, and have overcome them; for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 5 They are of the world, therefore what they say is of the world, and the world listens to them. 6 We are of God. Whoever knows God listens to us, and he who is not of God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

Who Do You Say That I Am?

2011-06-28T17:04:00.000-07:00

Children have a way of asking the most thought provoking questions. You know---those that actually require a parent to stop, think, and answer with clarity. The other night, my youngest son, Riley, asked me a question that caused me to stop--ponder. "Mom" he says, eyes wide, staring back at me, "Is Jesus our brother?" "He's closer than a brother". "We'll what does that mean", he asks--squinting his eyes in confusion. "He's our Savior, sent to pay a debt that we ourselves could never pay." After that answer I realized that he was more confused than ever. After much more explaining, he got it. The entire exchange with my son about who Jesus was--and is brought questions to my own mind of how we--people--individuals-- view who He really is versus who we've made Him out to be in our own minds...how we've fashioned Jesus as a mere "relative", one of the guys in the group just like us--made in our own image. We see Jesus in the scriptures reaching out to the untouchables--sitting with sinners--challenging the Pharisees and Sadducee's, He's the one that the religious hated and the "least" of these loved!

What we've done in our churches/seeker sensitive churches to make Jesus cool--more appealing--to those rejected by the religious, church folk (those professing Christ but looking nothing like Him) is paint a picture of a loving, rebellious, going against the grain, tolerate of all sins, man that requires nothing but to love others and treat others with respect--the way everyone wants to be treated.

What people have done in the world to make Jesus cool--more appealing--to those rejected by the religious, church folk--is paint him as tolerate, loving, one of the guys, non-judgmental, caring to all, requiring nothing in return, but accepting of all that we do, because He is the man who made the "least of these" first, and the religious the last!

A friend of mine said it best "Jesus doesn't offer options for people to consider, He issues commands for people to obey." Luke 5:31-32 Jesus makes it clear why he came, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance."

Jesus calls us the way we are, in our sin..where we are, but he calls us to repentance--to turn from our sin. If we profess Christ we must admit that we are sinners, dead in our trespasses in need of a Saviour to rescue us. How have so many missed the mark? How have so many gotten it wrong? It's easy---we love who we think He is--and dismiss who He really is because dying to self is the hardest thing any of us will ever do!

To truly accept Christ means looking yourself in mirror and truly seeing the "you" for who you really are--in need of a huge make-over from the inside. He is the son of God sent to do the Father's will, not ours. Following Christ will cost you. Christ requires change!

In The Name of Love

2011-04-23T07:56:00.001-07:00

My name isn't important, but you know who I am. I'm the thief that walked the road to Calvary with Jesus. The thief who was condemned to die upon a cross next to the King of Kings. I'd done my fair share of sinning. I'd chosen a life of crime. Do you know how it feels to walk the road of a condemned man--forced to carry his shame and listen to the jury cry for your death. I know all too well, but I accepted the road that I walked.

Three of us walked to our death that day upon dusty roads made of stone---our crosses heavy, a crushing weight that begs for relief. I didn't know at the time, that this day was no ordinary day. There was a man, Jesus, who seemed to be hated and loved for who he was. Not a thief, murderer, or sinner by any means---He was the son of God.

His only crime was claiming that he was such. He'd been known through out the land. Known for calling all sinners to repent for the kingdom of God was at hand, healing the sick, raising the dead, & that seemed to rile the religious order. So much so they brought him before Pilate and demanded his crucifixion.

He was a man scourged, beaten, whipped, spit upon and mocked. As we moved through the crowd those who loved him followed and wept.

Finally arriving at Calvary's Hill they hung us up on our crosses for the world to see--to look upon the condemned. There at the feet of Jesus they divided his garments and cast lots. They sneered, yelling "He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen of God."

A sign hung over His head that read THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS. But Jesus, prayed for them saying, "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." Imagine that--He the condemned praying for those who hated and despised Him. I'd never known or seen such a man as this.

I knew that I deserved my punishment, but this man did not--He did no wrong that required such a punishment. I recognized what those who did not or refused to---Jesus was who He claimed to be and He would live and rule in God's Kingdom. Though I died that day I inherited everlasting life. "Lord, I said, "remember me when You come into your kingdom.

Jesus raised His head, looked upon a sinner--a thief--an outcast, and said "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise."

There on that Hill, He bore the sins of the world----all in the name of love!

Footprints in the Sand

2011-04-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

I knew something was wrong. Pam abruptly stopped in the middle of performing my regularly scheduled ultrasound and excused herself from the room. "I'll be right back she said, and disappeared through the door. Lying there on the table, gel still warm on my growing belly, I began to pray frantically. My heart beat hard against my chest, anxiety set in and my mind began to race with worry. Richard sat beside me trying to be strong for me, but we both knew something was wrong. There in the dimly lit ultrasound room I waited for what seemed like an eternity, preparing myself for the worst. The door opened, revealing a little light. There was my doctor with a look of sympathy upon his face and we knew then that our baby had died after only 14weeks.

Emptiness, pain, sorrow, darkness, and fear swirled within me raging like a storm set out on a turbulent sea. In the midst I questioned God: Why? Why did this happen? Was there something I did or didn't do? Why had he allowed such an awful thing to happen? And God always answers, even if its not what we want to hear. And God, being who He is, answered me. There in the midst of it all he met me, just He and I--Father to daughter. And it was there that I finally learned what "peace that surpasses all understanding" is. And that even in one of the darkest and bleakest times in my life, He was there---He carried me through--us through. It's knowing that Jesus wept with us and my pain was and is his pain.

There is a purpose for all things. As horrible as it was, God's will and purpose was done. Some may question what in the world good was accomplished through such a tragedy. We'll I'll tell you. No longer do I take my other children for granted. Those little things that used to drive me crazy no longer bother me. Our family is stronger, my marriage is stronger, my relationship with my mother is stronger, and my faith is stronger. No matter what comes my way, I can depend on Jesus. God never left me and He will never forsake me. If not for the love of God and Christ's sacrifice, where would I be.

It's been 2 weeks since we buried our son Ronan Pete Wagner. I'd be lying if I said that it hasn't been hard. I have my moments where I think about him not being able to take his first steps, first day of kindergarten, sibling rivalry, or saying his first words. But I know that he sleeps, and I'll see him again. We grieve, but not as others who grieve, for we know where our hope lies. It is in Christ. I found my way back to Him in it all never really knowing how far I had actually strayed from home until April 8, 2011. It was that day that I bared my soul, laid my head upon upon his lap and told Him just how much I needed Him. He simply replied: "Welcome home Daughter" and placed upon my head a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

And Baby Makes 5

2011-03-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

I've not blogged in quite sometime. Truth is, haven't really felt like it. Not since I've found out that I'm pregnant again. Yes, I'm pregnant. Believe me when I say that it was a huge surprise. Me and my husband were not thinking about having any more children. My oldest (daughter) just turned 17 and my youngest is 7. Not to mention how I can hear 40 breathing down the back of my neck. Sure it won't be here for 2 1/2 years, but its knocking loudly nonetheless. However, in spite of the huge surprise and the fact that we were not trying in the first place, we are happy and joyful that we will welcome our 5th child. My life so far has been like an out of body experience. My other pregnancies were never like this, but then again I was in my 20's and now I'm in my late 30's--huge difference.

My get up and go has got up and went. Strange food cravings and constant nausea dictate much of my life right now. Not to mention the dumb comments like "You know what causes that, don't you?" or Thank God that ain't me, I'd kill myself", to which I always reply, with a smile---"God only choses those who are strong." And no one knows how to truly respond to that answer. As HIs Word says Every good and perfect gift comes from the father of lights. I'm looking forward to welcoming our new child in to our family. My due date is Oct 1. But something tells me that I won't make it to Oct, I believe this will be another Sept baby. I'll be getting back on the blogging horse once my nausea wanes, and my get up and go has returned to me. Until then, keep me and child in your prayers for a healthy baby and a safe and drama free birth.

Living Out The Gospel

2010-11-22T17:27:00.001-08:00

We expect the world to do what the world does. However, when the lines are blurred and you can no longer differentiate the church from the world we have a huge problem. Meaning---many churches have taken on the identity of the world and are looking less like the body of Christ and more like the world. In many cases, sad as it is, the church is little more than a seeker sensitive politically correct institute made after the hearts of men. Whatever it takes to draw them in mindset has made itself prevalent within the body. Thousands are drawn away by the desires of their own hearts and convince their members that in order to be truly successful we must build it bigger, better, and have more stuff to draw the outsiders. Of course you need to draw people in order to pay for the huge buildings and other things. This type of thinking has lead many churches to close it's doors in the wake of the recession. Money is tight these days and many churches are finding themselves short on money and unable to keep up the opulent buildings they've built. Case in point, the Crystal Cathedral, which has been forced to close its doors due to a dwindling congregation and a recession that has hit so many so hard. With no other option than to file bankruptcy, the Crystal Cathedral finds itself in a pit of debt of about 5.5 million dollars with no way to pay the mortgages or those they've hired to put on lavish programs.

Now the mega-churches have something else to worry about. The Tennessee State Board of Equalization has decided that one mega-church in Nashville Tn, will have to pay the amount of $425,000 in property taxes. Why, you ask? It seems that the board deems churches who have bookstores, gym's and the like in their building is considered commercial enterprises and are deemed taxable. The minister who received this huge bill is from South Nashville and pastors a congregation of 2,300. The pastor had this to say:

"They think a church worships on Sunday and then everybody goes away," pastor Dan Scott said. "Anything else you do is not church. But Christianity is not something you dive into once a week."

Of course Pastor Dan Scott plans on fighting this. I'm more on the side of the Board in this case. These things may be nice, but really there is no essential need to have them.

Once church in particular is really living out the Gospel they preach. Here is the article and the link. Read more: http://www.charismamag.com/index.php/news/29535#ixzz164LaaoDU

David Platt (pictured right) became one of the youngest megachurch pastors in history when in 2006, at the age of 28, he was appointed to lead The Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, Ala.

Yet just as remarkable is how his church of more than 4,000 responded to his challenge over a series of weekend services to take Jesus’ words at face value and abandon all for Him.

The result? Families (including Platt’s) downsized their living spaces, simplified their lifestyle and gave away profits to the poor. Business owners sold their companies to aid global and local mission work. Dormant believers became activated to launch ministries. And the church radically made over its budget to do more with less so it could invest more in local and global ministries.

This year, Brook Hills embarked on a one-year commitment called “The Radical Experiment” which includes dozens of short-term mission trips around the world to allow people a different context of service. “If we’re not careful, if I’m not careful, we can start to think the world looks like Birmingham,” Platt says.

I believe this young man is going in the right direction. I'm not inclined to call it a Radical Experiment, but simply what it is-----Living out the Gospel! We don't need all the bells and whistles----Jesus just needs us to follow Him!

There is light

2010-10-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not a fan of dark places. In my house you'll always find a light on to lead the way to the bathroom. There's something about the darkness that brings out the child in us all, leaves us clinging to our bed covers with a flash light readily available on the night stand just in case. Anything can be lurking around in the dark, be it monsters, aliens, or the things that we cannot see with our own eyes, but see it none the less. In those dark places, we feel the most evil of things clawing at our very skin, trying to invade our thoughts and move our eyes away from Jesus. They can be subtle at first, starting with the most innocent of things. But they grow like a wild plant and become the monsters in our lives. When we finally look back we see that plant, wild, green, and out of control. We wander around in the dark, bumping into things, stubbing our toes and cursing out in pain. In a panic we grope for the light switch. We've become desperate. As our desperation takes hold of us we finally give up and forsake our way of doing things and give in. That's when we fall to our knees, and we pray for guidance, for help, for Jesus to come and open the dark prison to which we are bound. It is only in our desperation that we finally relinquish control and cry out to our Father for help as little children. Unless we become as little children in need of our Father, in need of Christ our advocate, we'll remain in our darkest moments.

Submission for some is a dirty word. The idea of not belonging to yourself, and the idea of having to answer to some one evokes images of our worst child hood moments. Mama or daddy is always in control and you can't wait to do it your way. There is so much more to life than what we see. Eventually our world will will be turned upside down and life will happen leaving us as if we're suddenly thrust back into our child hood lying in a corner in the fetal position knees firmly drawn in to our chest. In that moment you'll realize you were never in control. And when you finally submit, relinquish control, and cry out to God-- look up and see the light ---lighting your way out of darkness.

Psalm 18:28 "For it is you who light my lamp; the Lord my God lightens my darkness"

My Worship

2010-09-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

I made a promise to myself long ago. We'll not so much a promise, but a statement to self. And each time I would try to enact it, something would happen and I'd get side tracked. But now things are different for me. Today, I finally put in motion what I've been gearing to do for some time now. It's a simple index card, but what I place on it has the power to transform my heart, my mind, and bring me closer to my Father, and my Saviour. This week I'm Praying

Psalm 139:23-24

"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

I felt that it was only fitting that I made this my first of many moments with God. I want so much for all the junk that I've accumulated, hoarded in my life to be gone as quickly as possible. How can you move forward in any relationship without knowing the areas in your life that need the most attention. Those who worship the Father, must worship Him in spirit and in truth. Some times the hardest thing in life, is looking at yourself and seeing the ugliest of things and crying out at the feet of Jesus and washing His feet with our tears, hurt and having him take away anything that is not pleasing to Him. It is a painful, but beautiful process.

We're all guilty of cheapening our worship, and our praise to just one moment one day of the week. I'll be the first to admit it. Doesn't our Father deserve so much more than lip service, simple gestures done because that's what we do? We are our Father's passion. I want him to be mine.

Moving Forward

2010-09-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last blog post. Truth is life has moved at such lightning speed I've not really had the time, or for that matter, the required energy. But here I am finally putting pen to paper..well fingers to the keyboard. After my last post I received some great encouraging, uplifting words from many of you. And then there are those who believe that we've completely abandoned "the church" when in reality we've just left a building. To say that its been quite the journey is an understatement. Some have called us bitter and nicely stated they'd be praying for us. I was even de-twittered by one individual. As of late I've noticed that individuals I once called friend no longer see me as one. Though they've not de-friended or de-twittered me, silence says it all. There are no invites to hang at anyone's home, or just hang out anymore, though we do get the occasional "we miss you". At times I feel like a leper cast out from among the sheep. However, I harbor no ill will or wish anyone harm. There before me lies an open road, and the Lord is leading and I will follow where ever he leads me. Currently I'm stripping away a lot of junk. Junk that I never thought of as junk. But as I devote myself to doing things his way and allowing Jesus to lead, I'm loosing myself---the old self. No longer spectator but participant.

The Journey----back

2010-08-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a rebel at heart. I've always been that way. Don't believe me? Well my family could tell you some stories. And admittedly, more often than not, my way was far from the best way to accomplish anything. Being somewhat hard headed about many things, I had to learn the hard way. And guess what, I’m still a little hard headed, but learning that in all things----there is a lesson to be learned.

These days I feel the rebel rising up in my chest, burning and inching its way forward again after all these years. It dances inside my head, humming a tune and giving the world the well known finger. However, this time I’m not alone. My husband and I are now the rebel rousers, bucking the authority so to speak. As a family we’ve decided that we will no longer attend Church. It’s not a decision that we came to quickly or lightly. Truth is we got hurt, again. Imagine that, getting hurt by godly people. Reminds me of Beth Moore’s book, When godly people do ungodly things. But like I said before there’s always lessons to be learned.

Memories of my life in church came to me like shadows casting themselves on walls. Clips from a movie, if you will, staring me. Like most people in the South, I grew up in the church. It is a small church in a small community that my mother and her siblings grew up in. I sang in the choir, taught children’s Sunday school and was the Sunday school recorder. You know, giving the report of how many attended, how much was collected. I was quickly immersing myself in church duties. I remember Homecoming celebrations, which brought people out in droves who normally didn't attend church. Shopping for that perfect Easter outfit, Sunday School conventions where we attended other churches such as this one. Our church congregation was small, filled with mostly family, and if we had a piano player on a particular Sunday it was considered a blessing. Otherwise we just used our hands and feet as instruments. Our church choir was small but our voices rang through the church as if we were the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. My grandfather was the head Deacon and worked tirelessly to make sure that the church served the community. There were times when we'd only have 5-10 people in the congregation, but that never deterred anyone from praising God, it never mattered to the "old saints" how many people were there.

Yet, even then I was different.......I was the rebel. It was me who asked questions like, “why do we have to wear dresses and pantyhose to church, Jesus doesn’t care how we come.” Dare I buck the authority and put on a pair of jeans. We’ll not in my mama’s house, and I tried. I'd watch the pastors as they sweated, hollered, about the goodness of God, about the dangers of hell, and how Jesus was the way. People would stand up and shout out of excitement, they'd wave white handkerchiefs, and nod their heads while saying amen amen, preach preacher. It was all alien to me. I'd just let my mind wonder....wonder why when someone sung a song it was more of a concert...it was their platform and they were Whitney Houston. I wondered why everyone "acted" up in church like they were holy, and had no compassion, empathy, or love for anyone else. For all the latest gossip all you had to do was go to church. But it wasn’t gossip as long as they put, “Bless her heart, she needs Jesus” at the end of everything. I wondered why some of the churches I went too were like walking down the runway and I was the model on display so they could converse back and forth about what I was wearing. I've seen those who came to church dressed in their best taken in back rooms and given "more appropriate" clothing to wear. And they never returned.

Once I was 18, I left the church. I had grown tiered, weary of it all. If I could have, or rather had enough nerve I would have risen up out of that pew and shouted screamed to the tops of my lung. “You have created traditions of men that are killing us, and driving us away from the very arms that you want us to run to.”

If you read my last post, you understand my view. I’m tiered of the clicks, the complacency, the worship wars, the lies, and people’s need to keep the traditions of man. When I read Acts there are no similarities to what the church has become now. And no, we are not forsaking the assembling of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We will gather in worship, we will pray and we will continue to pursue Christ with a passion. We just refuse to do it man’s way. We’ll go and visit at times with others also, but don’t look for us in the pews doing the “church” thing. Were gonna do it God’s way.

What's happening with our Churches?

2010-08-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

"The first lesson we learned was how to count the cost. In Egypt, our theology is the theology of pain. It is not a theology of prosperity. We don't know the theology of prosperity, but we know Jesus."

I took this quote from a magazine that I subscribe to. The Voice of Martyrs Serving the Persecuted Church. When I read this magazine I find myself envious. Many may find this strange, or even down right crazy. By comparison, we Christians in America are spoiled, and ungrateful. We measure God's love in what he gives, what he takes away, and what he allows to happen (good or bad). Dare I say that we've become lazy, worldly, and selfish. Church for us is about building great "churches" having great youth programs, great worship music, and numbers. Church has become religion, with no relationship with Jesus. It's become something that we do every Sunday and Wednesday night. Do we really know what sacrifice is, to die for the cause of the kingdom, to not know if we'll ever see our family again? Do we know what it truly is to forsake all for Jesus---to leave it all behind? Do we know what it is to not have the freedom to read our bibles, meet with others ? Sadly, most of us don't know and really don't want to know.

Each Sunday morning we gather in buildings critiquing the music, gossiping about brother and sister so and so. All while our brothers and sisters in Christ are suffering for the cause. We gripe about the pastor's message, how long it was. We complain about how long praise and worship was or how bad it was. When we get mad or get our feelings hurt we just leave and join another "church"---or we just start a new church. Not to say that there are not instances when leaving a church is warranted, because it is. But for so many there's nothing warranted, its because our toes have gotten stepped on.

When I look at those who have been killed, tortured, and imprisoned never once have they wavered on their love for Christ. They are steadfast, faithful to the very end. Ministry doesn't equal money, worldly possessions, silver and gold, but rather knowing that they are reaching others for Christ and adding to the kingdom. They do not take their tribulations as punishment or a curse but welcome it, because they truly know where their inheritance lies.

As I write this post thousands are rounded up like cattle, beat within inches of their life, accused of blasphemy- all for Christ. The above quote says it all, doesn't it? I'm sure that there are those who will read this and critique it with great words of condemnation, challenge my thoughts, and tell me I'm wrong. But ask yourself this question----how far would you really go for the King?

I'm not sure about you, but personally I've wasted enough of my life over mundane things. Are we ready to really do the will of the Father? Are we ready to step out of our comfort zones and walk out on faith. Are we really ready to trust him? I am!

Reading Acts has really placed things in perspective for me! We do "church" instead of being the church of Christ. I'll leave you with a quote from another brother in Christ who faces death daily for the cause of Christ. When asked his thoughts on what the Apostle Paul calls tribulations He responded with the following:

"I think that suffering is a most beautiful part of the Christian faith because Christianity without pain, without suffering, without hard times is like the ready-made food. There's nothing true in it. It's very superficial, very shallow." And may I add--he did not say suffering is the only part of the Christian faith, but "a most beautiful part."

Father forgive me for treating you like a genie in a bottle. I thank you for the wake up call, the probing of my heart and showing me the order of things. It's so much clearer now. The kingdom suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.

Silly Bandz

2010-08-02T13:34:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don’t have children, you may not be aware of the current epidemic that is currently sweeping our country, much like the Beanie Baby pandemic (which I confess to totally being right in the middle of the craziness myself) . This new epidemic has caused much civil unrest in our home at times. We’ve broken up more fights & threatened a ban on this product that’s suddenly brought every child under its evil spell. Some of you may already know what evil I’m speaking of, if not I’ll give you a hint. They're bracelets made out of thin rubber in different shapes and objects------SILLY BANDZ, is their proper given name.

Somewhere the creator of this new craze is sitting basking in the delight of knowing that something so simple ( which most of us wish we would’ve thought of the idea) could become so popular with children all while raking in the big bucks. There is nothing special about Silly Bandz. They can’t do tricks, fly or anything spectacular. Silly Bandz are nothing more than colorful accessories on the arms of children everywhere, sometimes clear up to the elbow. I’ve seen my children beg, borrow, trade, & deal just to own a pack of bands. Now seeing how my children love these slivers of rubber, and how they react to just the prospect of owning more, Mama is now using their love for Silly Bands to her advantage.

Suddenly chores get done, behavior improves, and payment is fairly cheap. I'm seriously hoping that the power that these things hold will continue through out this new school year.

Desperately Seeking Jesus

2010-01-08T15:32:00.000-08:00

I knew it would be the last time I’d see her again. The chemotherapy had long stopped working and everything up to this point was more palliative than anything.
Today she was sitting up in her chair. Today she’d be going home to live out the last of her days. Yet, in the back of my mind I believed that healing would come, come and take all the pain from her body that had been eaten by cancer.

Cancer had aged her. Chemo robbed her of her crown and glory. In all her pain she managed to laugh and smile. In all her suffering she was persistent, steadfast, and faithful…to the end. And even in the end, when she knew that no healing would come through the hands of man, only through the Father, she embraced the outcome…whatever it may be.

I told her often how brave and beautiful she was. We prayed together sometimes, holding hands around her bed desperately seeking Jesus. Desperately seeking him to come and move in her situation. Lord 47 is just too young to die. I’d think to myself.

She passed away New Year’s Eve. I imagine her carried away in the arms of angels to meet her savior. In her sickness I wonder how she cried out to Jesus, how he wiped the tears from her eyes when the pain was so much she could no longer bear it. I wonder what her prayers were for her family after she was on this earth no more. I often wonder how her life changed after her diagnosis. I wonder how desperate she became for Jesus, and how he worked in her life because she sought him no matter what. I may never have the answers to these questions but one thing she taught me….be desperate for Jesus, and seek Him through it all.

This year I won’t make any New Year’s resolutions that I know I’ll break. This year I won’t promise to go to the gym, loose weight, etc…this year I’ll desperately seek Jesus with all of my heart, every day, every minute, and every second, to walk with him no matter what! I’ll love harder, stress less, and trust Him more.

Lord forgive me for my selfishness, for making it all about me. Forgive me for putting you last when I should have placed you first. One thing is for sure, when test, and trials come they do come to make us stronger. Thank you for allowing me to know your daughter in Christ. Though she is home with you now, she taught me how to be desperate for you, no matter the obstacles!

Growing Pains

2009-10-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

Ricky, why do you always do that?” I say to my oldest son. As he stands there I realize that he’s actually pondering the question in his mind. After carefully considering the question, he answers “I don’t know. I guess because I’ve always done it like that.”

He continues to work on his homework, and he repeats the mistake I just called him on.
“Ricky, didn’t I just tell you there’s a better way, a simpler way to get the correct answer?”

He just stares back at me with this blank stare, never really answering my question he gives a quick shrug of the shoulders and finishes up his work. After checking his work there were a few answers that were wrong. After trying to show him the correct way to do the work, I concede defeat and give up. He’ll have to learn by his own mistake. The next day, it was homework time again. By this time I’m sure that Ricky is dreading it.

“Mama, I got my papers back from my homework we did last night.” He handed over the papers and gave me that look, and said “you were right mom.”

“See honey, if you just slow down and listen to me.” I say to him, feeling somewhat vindicated. And that’s when I had an ah ha moment. You know the moments when the light comes on and it suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks that the lesson you thought you were teaching to your child, was turned around and you had become the student. How many times had I done just as my son did? How many times had I told God, I’ve got it? And how many lessons had a learned the hard way?

If I’d simply just listened and done as I was told, how much heart ache could have been saved on my end. I guess we are more like children than we’d like to admit at times. We get caught up doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. These are the growing moments. The times in life that God is killing, pruning away that thing that is not bearing fruit, or the wrong kind.

It is our imperfections that call us to the Cross. It's our human condition that brings us to the feet of Jesus. Even when we blow it he doesn't say I told you so or rub it in. He's not sitting on his throne wagging his finger in disapproval. There's no condemnation for those in Christ!

I Know A Change Is Gonna Come

2009-10-12T11:31:00.000-07:00

"I know a change is gonna come, if only I can just touch the hem of his garment", she said to herself as she followed the crowd. Shame and desperation had brought her here. Physician after physician had claimed to provide the healing she so desperately sought, but they all failed. So many had called her cursed. According to the other women in the village, God was punishing her for her sins. After all, its normal to bleed but not have a flow so long and so heavy that she remained continually unclean. They had all taken her money, and the shame was still there. You are cursed with a curse…the only diagnosis any of them offered.

She'd heard the rumors of a man but not just any man. He called himself the son God, who had performed miracle after miracle. And a miracle she needed.

"I believe, I believe" she whispered, anticipating her move. Immediately she found herself on her knees crawling through the crowd of people who pushed and shoved and pressed their way toward Jesus.

Stretching out her arm her fingers grabbed the hem of his garment with boldness and determination, and faith that could move a mountain. She wanted to shout for joy, she wanted to run through the streets praising God.

"Who Touched Me"

Anywhere but here, she thought. The reality of what just happened made her cower in fear.

Again, Jesus said "Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me." The crowd was mystified. People as far as the eyes can see and he asks who touched him, thinking to herself.

Knowing that she couldn't just retreat, there at the feet of Jesus she confessed in the midst of the crowd. At his feet she laid her shame, defeat, and pride.

"Daughter your peace has made you well; go in peace."

No condemnation, no scolding, no judgment, no punishment, just love.

Here I am Lord, grasping the hem of your garment. My shame kept me from coming boldly to your throne. Today I bring you everything that has bound me with chains. Today the prison doors are open and I no longer dwell in darkness, you have taken what was broken and made it new. I am your Daughter!

At The End of The Hall

2009-10-07T18:31:00.000-07:00

I wondered if anyone noticed her. And if anyone did notice, would they care enough just to stop? There she lingered outside the hospital room trying not to loose herself, her composure. It seemed as though she was hanging on to every ounce of her sanity that she could muster. Brave, determined, but at the same time....defeated.

My task at hand was to make it to the mailbox and back to my office to finish up my work for the day. There are always days like this on this floor. Death, tears, pain, live on this floor.

As I moved closer to her, I could see she was crying. Her eyes were puffy and pink and drained. "Can I give you a hug?" I asked reaching out to her at the same time. All she could do was shake her head. I grabbed this sister in my arms and loved on her. As we stood in the hall, people continued to go by us without thinking twice. She told me her husband was dying. She told me he wasn't going to make it much longer. She took my hand as we walked into her husband's room. There he lay, struggling for every breath, unaware that anyone was there. "Can we pray?", I asked her.

After we prayed I left their room, with peace. I learned later that day, as I was leaving to go home, her husband passed away shortly after me, her, and her daughter stood in his room and prayed. It was an honor to stand in prayer with this family. Sometimes we are called to just listen, to give a hug when needed, or to stand in prayer....to be Jesus to others. We are the body of Christ.

Where one or two are gathered in your name, there you are in the midst. Lord, continue to show us opportunities to be more like Christ..reaching out in love to do your will Father. As we go through life continue to mold us and shape us to be imitators of You as dear children.

Bound

2009-09-24T18:37:00.002-07:00

Luke 13:10-13 "Now He was teaching in one of the Synagogues on the Sabbath. And behold, there was a woman who had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bent over and could in no way raise herself up. But when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him and said to her "woman, you are loosed from your infirmity. And He laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God."

We don't know her name, age, or what she looks like. Can you see her bent over in pain? Does she notice the pain after 18 years; is it a dull throbbing pain that she's learned to live with? I see her there in the back, among others. Her face is etched in pain. Forgotten, lost, invisible to the others...there she sits listening to Jesus. Today I will leave the same way I came in; today will be no different than today or the days to come, she thinks to herself. But something happened that day. Something that she hadn't planned on. Jesus already knew that today this woman would be loosed. He already knew that starting this day life would no longer be as her days had been. As Jesus preached his eyes moved to her, focusing on her "Woman your are loosed from your infirmity" placing his hands on her. Immediately she was made straight and glorified God." Can you see her praising and glorifying God? Can you see her face now, smiling back at you? Can you see the tears streaming down her face?

Beloved, you have not gone unnoticed; Jesus sees you sitting in the crowd bowed over and crooked. He has already called your name from among the congregation to rise up and walk. You may have settled but God has other plans for you sister. He has said no longer do you have to walk bent over from sin, no longer do you have to settle for the pain and hurts, no longer do you have to be tied to years of abuse, years of immortality, and years of unforgiveness. You have been loosed from all those infirmities. He is calling you today just as he called our beloved sister years before. For far too long many have resigned themselves to living with life's junk, that they have grown accustomed to carrying the load, and fail to see the affects. How long have you been contorted, and twisted? Beloved, rise up and walk!

the hitchhiker

2009-09-16T19:08:00.001-07:00

Growing up mama told me the (3) big no no's.
1.) Never talk to strangers
2.) Never open the door to someone you don't know.
3.) Never pick up hitchhikers.

We'll I'm sorry to say mom, I've done all the above. I know what your thinking. The first top two aren't so bad. However, the third one its clear that you've lost your mind. How many times have you driven past that person holding the "will work for food sign" and had compassion, and empathy, but not enough to make you wanna stop the car? One thing that I've learned. Some times God will take you out of your comfort zone prompting you to make that ordained God stop.
And that's exactly what happened to me one cold night.

There she stood, at the intersection of interstate 81. She was kind of hard to miss. My headlights said hello to her before my eyes registered that she was an actual person standing in the cold at old dark thirty. Immediately after seeing her I knew that she was different and I felt that I needed to stop and so I did, practically in the middle of the road and told her to hop in.

Her name was Rachel. She seemed smart, educated, and not crazy in the weird kind of way.

“Hi” she said as she climb into the van. “Thanks so much for stopping and picking me up".

“oh no problem” I said cranking up the heat.

"You don’t mind me asking why someone like yourself would be out here hitchhiking?"
“oh no, she said smiling at me.

“I’m hitchhiking to tell people about Jesus.”

“Really …..(wondering if I’d made a mistake), is there somewhere that I can drive you to, say like a warm hotel room.

“Oh no, I just checked out of my room."

“Is there a reason why you left the comforts of a comfortable room on a night as cold as this. “

“Jesus told me to get my things and check out and I did. He’s sending me to Knoxville.”

Lord what have you gotten me into, I said to myself as I kept a view of Rachel out of the corner of my eye.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t take you far.”

“Oh that’s okay she said, I’ll go as far as you’ll drive me.”

“Are you not worried about crazy folks", I asked.

Rachel smiled at me and gave me a firm “NO! God will provide everything I need and he’ll send me to those I am to see.”

As I drove down Interstate 81 she told me about how she came to be hitchhiking. How Jesus saved her from a sinful life and how she is totally in love with him. And she would have to, to be out in the dark, freezing cold hitchhiking.

“I’m sorry, but this is as far as I can go Rachel” I said as I pulled of the highway.

There I sat with Rachel…no last name….crying, and telling her things I wouldn’t tell anyone else. There in my van, on the side of the highway she prayed for me and ministered to me. It felt strange leaving her on the side of the road, and I told her so. But she just replied “God will take care of me.” As I drove off, I cried and thanked God for our God ordained meeting. It was clear, I was "one" of those she had an appointment with.

To this day I’m not sure what happened to Rachel. I’m not sure if she were an angel or simply a sister in Christ. All I know is, God placed both of us in each others path. She needed a ride and I needed a word.

Diva

2009-09-10T19:04:00.001-07:00

My mornings are fairly routine. Alarm goes off. Hit snooze. Alarm goes off again. Hit snooze. Final alarm goes off, and I finally drag myself out of the bed. Now its time to awaken my lovely children and ready them for school. This usually turns out to be a bit chaotic; coaxing sleepy children out of bed, and making a mad dash to make sure everyone has brushed their teeth, and properly combed their hair. And not to mention, are properly dressed. Our bus driver is prompt. He is so prompt that he has a tendency to be as much as 5 minutes early. So making sure everyone is ready by the designated time is crucial. In order to do so I always, well 98% of the time, make sure clothes are prepared the night before.

By properly preparing myself for the following day, it allows me to kinda take it easy after my children board the bus to school. I take my time. I'm usually not in any big hurry. And the reason I take my time-----I've prepared myself the night before. However, things didn't go as smoothly as they normally do for me in the morning. Here is how my morning unfolded today.

Me: Honey, have you seen my head band? ( Of course I've already been searching for 10 min)

Richard: No babe, I'm sorry.

Me: Grunting in frustration.. ughhhhhhhhhhh

Richard: Did you check the closet?

Me: Yep (still more frustration)

Me: Rich, did you happen to throw it away while you cleaned the office last night, you know you do that sometimes (more frustration)

Richard: I'm sure. Don't worry it'll turn up.

Me: I've got one, but it doesn't match my outfit. But I have no choice. It's down to the wire and we are running out of time.

At this point panic sets in for me. I've gotta find this headband before I go to work. After all, I have to look good, which requires me to coordinate my outfit. Thus begins my frantic prayers about a headband.

Me: Lord, please hear me. I really need to find my black headband. I can't go to work without it. (I'll explain later). If you would please help me I'd really appreciate it.

And nothing happened. The headband didn't show up out of nowhere. It wasn't like magic and appear right before my eyes. Now by this time, I'm really heated, upset, mad (pick your word) and here came the "Lord you just don't care about me" spill. It was then that I remembered I did have a headband, but not the one that I was looking for. Nope this one, in my eyes didn't go with my pink pin striped pants suit, nope this one was arrayed with leaves, and circles and was brown.

Me: You've gotta be kidding me. Can't I get a break. Why does this always happen to me. Lord you just don't like me.

Alas, I was defeated. I'd have to walk into the Hospital wearing this perfectly coordinated suite, with this less than coordinating headband. As women its important to have an outfit that works. We all know this. Nobody wants to show up anywhere looking a hot mess...so to speak.

Richard: Honey you look great.

Me: Except for this headband.

Now God has a way of revealing things to me in scenario's such as this one. And He sure didn't disappoint.

God: Why are you fretting over a headband. And you turn me aside because I won't be your genie and magically make your headband appear. Next time I suggest you putting them where you can find them so that this problem can be avoided. Not to mention, I've got more serious prayers to tend to. If you didn't know people are being persecuted, tortured, killed, for professing Christ and here you are professing I don't care about you because of a headband! There are more pressing issues this morning. Get your priorities in order and stop being a self-centered diva.

Me: silence...........

"God forgive me for being a drama queen. It's all about you and not about me. I will seek first your Kingdom, your ways, and not my own. Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, but follows hard after you!

Walking a New Path

2008-11-09T14:02:00.000-08:00

I can finally see beyond the fog, its lifted and I can see my new path clearly. As you probably already know, my job was not one that I was truly satisfied with. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that God blessed me with the job, however, I was struck with this overwhelming feeling of pure disgust. Its almost humorous to me how corporations present themselves to the community. But after working there we learn the truth. And that is what happened to me while working at this job. For me it was as if I was caught in the middle. I loved the patients, the doctor, and nurse in our office. But the management lacked serious managerial skills, which left me fuming. After much prayer, I quit my job this past Friday. It was officially my last day. I've taken a new job at a different Hospital. My official title is Cancer Registrar. I'm looking forward to orientation on Monday, and I'm looking forward to having to report to one boss and one boss only. When I quit Friday I was very nice. I sent a letter to my 3 bosses wishing them the best of luck. It's safe to say that all 3 will be fuming when they come in to work Monday and check their emails and find out that I quit. I'm sure all 3 will gather in a meeting and verbally assault me for not giving them a two-week notice. I'd like to say that I care but not really. If I were treated with the respect every human being should be treated with, the outcome would have been different. So here is to a new journey.

Finally, The Perfect Fit

2008-10-05T16:59:00.001-07:00

Finding the place where you belong is like finding the perfect shoe, or outfit. After a long day of hunting you finally see it, you try it on and its the perfect fit. That's how I view my experience with church. I can say that I've finally found a place that fits me, who I am, and what God is cultivating me to be for His glory and not my own. It took me a while to find that perfect fit for me. After some disappointing moments in my life I wanted to give up and call it a day, content to concede defeat and give up. For quite a while I had that awkward feeling of not fitting in anywhere, belonging anywhere. After me and Richard married in 1996, we began the hunt for a church home. But it seemed that every church we attended I never truly felt like I belonged. I wasn't like the others. I don't like Jane Austen novels, not a big fan of homeschooling my children, not particularly interested in scrap booking,....basically my cultural identity was extremely different from my counterparts. And by the same token, while I love the freedom of growing up in the black church, ie worshiping, praising, and soulful gospel...I grew tiered of the same old name it and claim it philosophy that has permeated the black church. Now, not all black churches are like that, but so many of them are. Because I'm black I'm expected to vote for Obama, like T.D. Jakes, and Juanita Bynum, and others. I'm expected to shout when the minister raises his voice, expected to dance when the organ plays. For a long time I felt like I was in limbo, caught between two worlds. I'm not a fan of T.D. Jakes or others who preach the name it and claim it false gospel. When I visit my mother's church, upon her request, there isn't a moment that goes by where I'm not srcreaming inside my head at the absurdity of it all. There was no where that I fit in. No one that I could identify with, and none that could identify with me. But at the same time they were like me, understood me, my struggles...understood what others could not. I used to miss that. If there is only 4 black people in the room, we gravitate to one another. Why?, because we can indentify with each other without condemnation, without expecting to leave behind our culture. Those of us who choose not to go to the traditional black church feel as though we are being stripped of our culture. I know that I'm not the only woman of color out there who has struggled with this. And I know many are struggling.

When you find that perfect fit you'll know. It's like a spring breeze washing over your body with the fragrance of lavendar. Thank you Radius church, for allowing me to be me.....finally the perfect fit.

Beyond The Fog

2008-09-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

I've officially ended my first week of work. It was pretty uneventful. Monday----orientation---Tuesday half a work day and the other half finishing up my training. And then we hit Wednesday. I walked into work Wednesday morning and the first thing that was told to me is "If they see you dressed like that they'll send you home. "They" meaning the powers that be. Apparently me not having my issued uniform shirt on was a problem. Never mind the fact that I had ordered the required shirts 2 weeks before hand and never mind the fact that they came in that day. Was I suppose to walk into work naked? Nope, I was dressed in business casual. Wednesday afternoon I spent my time running around town getting my shirts, Which were not monogrammed with the name of the group that I work for, go home and change and come back to work. It was all too much...way too much to handle. And might I mention that the doctor is out of town at a conference until this Tuesday, so we aren't even seeing any patients. Okay that was my first inclination that this may not be the place for me to work. Second incident......You can't ask for any time off for the first 90 days. Okay, I get it, that I understand....the whole probationary period. However, it got a little sticky when I asked if I could have a couple of hours to take my exit exams at college so that I can graduate and get my diploma and have my transcripts released. The answer to that question was a definite no! At this point I'm just hot under the collar. Can't an exception be made so that I can graduate from college..officially? What's the big deal? All I'm asking is to leave work 30 minutes earlier. I've spent thousands on my education and I do plan to continue it. The one thing all of this has taught me is that people are just as uncaring as they were when I was working. At my current job we push patient care....but have no employee care whatsoever. I know there are no prefect jobs out there. I know that we are all flawed and have our own issues, but some things should just be across the board. Like how about a little empathy, compassion, consideration. I've never been one to tolerate bureaucracy, people in authority on power trips totally turn me off. I like my job, but not necessarily the management , which everyone can say that. So now I'm asking the question, God why am I dealing with this. Why can't I do what I want...my ideal job....the job that I was called to do. I don't want to hear the answer...."this is the job you were meant for, this is what your suppose to do". Right now I can't see beyond the fog, can't see beyond the tree line, can't see what path I'm currently on in my life. It's all so frustrating. I feel like I'm in a place of uncertainty, I'm in the unknown just drifting past time and space...caught in a continual loop of chaos.

My life isn't what it could be at this moment in time. I wish I had some quick resolution, I wish that money grew on trees. I wish that I could see beyond the fog, beyond the tree line to see exactly what path I'm on. And if I'm not on the right one, well Lord give me the wisdom to known, and the courage to change it!

Breaking the Piggy Bank

2008-09-18T20:39:00.000-07:00

If I had a piggy bank I can assure you that it would be broken into a thousand tiny pieces right now. More than ever, we are all feeling the crunch. Between the loss of jobs, price of gas going up, and food prices rising, life is definitely getting harder and harder. Bills will always be there and the grind of living becomes more and more. I'm feeling the pressure...reaching the boiling point. How much longer will these conditions last? Hopefully after starting my new job, next Monday, a lot of the pressure will ease off and melt away. One thing that all of this has taught me is that dark days will come, they will hover, and we will stress, but its not the end. Through it all we gather strength. We will push our way through the thorny bushes. We will learn to lean more and more on God than on our own. Sometimes it takes a jolt to wake us up.

Crossing The Finish LIne

2008-08-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

I've officially crossed the finish line in the race for a job. I begin work Sept. 22nd. So thank you, everyone, for your prayers. It means so much to me!

On The Hunt

2008-08-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing that I hate more than anything, it's job hunting. Which, is the one thing that is consuming my life right now. Chasing down leads, filling out applications and filling out resumes can be somewhat daunting. And when you do get the interview you have to sell yourself like a prostitute on a street corner. Not to mention you have to answer insane questions, like " When was the last time you were angry? What happened?" It's enough to make anyone pull their hair out. One thing that I've noticed is that employers never want to pay you what you should be paid.....you're worth, so to speak. At some point you concede defeat and settle because the bills need to be paid and happy that a pay check is finally coming to you. I went out this afternoon to fill out applications and drop off resumes. First place I went to....well let's just say I got the feeling that my resume and application went straight into the trash after I left. Seemed too much like a "good ol' boy" place to work, not to mention it smelled kinda like a dog kennel. Then I was off to place number 2 but when I got there a sign was posted on the door that stated the job in question had been filled. It would have been nice if the company would have stuck to their classified advertisement on the deadline to fill out the application or removed the post altogether. Gas costs money and it was a total waste of my time to make the drive and have to turn around. However, I did receive an email from a wonderful lady that interviewed me for a position ( that I didn't get) and stated that I was a top candidate for the job and she would like to recommend me for another position that is coming open in another department that would be more challenging for me. Through it all I'm confident that God will put me where I need to be in his timing. But I tell you one thing, it sure is painful.

Art Imitates Life

2008-07-20T22:19:00.000-07:00

This is art imitating my life. It's chaotic, yet beautiful. My life at the moment is filled with a variety of things. I haven't been able to read a book in a couple of weeks. My last class has consumed most of my time. I'm faced with the realization that I will have to re-enter the workforce, which I confess I'm not looking forward too. Riley, my youngest, starts kindergarten in one week and 4 days. Life is moving at neck-breaking speed right now. I'm desperate for a slower pace, a time to stop and smell the roses if you will. If art imitates life, what is your work of art like these days?

How Great Thou Art

2008-07-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

I have this annoying habit that drives my kids crazy. My children find it odd that at various times through out my day I, without any reason at all, belt out songs of praise while working around the house. "Mom", they cry out in aggravations, "we can't hear the television."
My favorite is How Great Thou Art. It's not just the song, but the memory that surrounds the song. This is the first song that I learned to play on my grandparents piano. Memories of sitting next to my grandfather on the bench, his hands guiding me, showing me just the right notes to hit. I will always have that memory. It comes to me at the times that I miss him the most....the times when I'm stressed out to the point of just breaking down. That's when I hear...How Great Thou Art.

A Box Of Cheese Sticks

2008-06-20T20:09:00.001-07:00

There was a time when my husband, Richard, wrote me beautiful poems that expressed how much he loved and adored me. There were flowers, and long talks on the phone. Twelve years of marriage, and 4 children later its safe to say that both our romantic side has shifted a bit. Not in a bad way just different. We have our ways of expressing our love towards one another. Knowing one another's likes and dislikes plays a pivotal roll in expressing that love. And Richard expressed his love for me with a box of cheese sticks. He knows how much I love 'em.

Who are better parents....Conservatives or Liberals?

2008-06-06T06:02:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while when I watch the news there is something that will grab my attention. And one did this morning. An author, Peter Schweizer, has just written a book, sure to cause controversy among individuals. He poses the question Who are better parents conservatives or Liberals? According to the author of this new book in his interview, Conservatives are better parents. I think that I'll put this book on my list to be read this summer.

Look Mama

2008-06-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

Riley has become a master at the monkey bars. It's one of his favorite things to do at the playground.

Recovering

2008-05-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

A few days ago my nose began to bother me and swell. It swelled so much I'd thought that it was actually broken. And since I'm not one for Doctor's..not unless its absolutely required, Richard had to force me to go to the doctor the other day. After spending too much time in the office the diagnosis left me very puzzled. They told me that I had a sinus infection. Okay, I don't know about you, but I've never heard of a sinus infection that makes your nose swell so big it looks broken. If you could have seen me with ice packs on my nose this past week..wondering why the swelling wasn't going down. Now it is getting better....after having to take 2 doses of antibiotics daily the size of horse pills....Nasal spray once a day.....and nasal cream that has to be applied inside the nose 3 times daily the swelling is going down and the soreness isn't so bad. I think that I just may make it through the entire ordeal. My nose is big enough on its own.....and this didn't help any.

New Blog

2008-05-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

Richard is always joking about how fast I read. And he has become more than annoyed for my lack of restraint when I enter the bookstore and come back with the receipt of purchase, which makes him cringe. Money is no object for me when my eyes gaze upon the thousands of books that are neatly stacked throughout. My children make fun of the way I open a book and inhale its sent. Every book has a different smell, a different story to tell. And this is where my new blog comes into play. It is called Reading In Bed and the address is www.imdreamingof.blogspot.com. I love books so much that I've decided to post reviews of the books that I read. And please feel free to leave comments, suggestions for other books to be read, and if you've read some of the books and would like to discuss...please feel free to do so.

My taste for books are all over the place. I love romance novels, chic-lit, non-fiction, mystery and every book in between. I hope that you will mark my new blog as a must read for yourselves. Just in case anyone is wondering....I'll still be posting on this blog also.

Proverbs 31 Woman

2008-05-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

The Proverbs 31 woman can be somewhat intimidating . For many she's something that can never be obtained....an eluding ghost that we read in the pages of God's word. Just the description of such a woman invokes envy and a desire to be like the woman who is beautifully pictured in words. There are thousands of Proverbs 31 woman walking this earth now. She is the woman who has sacrificed her wants, and needs so that others may have. She is strong, wise, tender, and loving to her family and others. She gives without expecting anything in return. Her hands have cradled, feed, wiped the tears, consoled the hurting, and given words of wisdom to live by, and loves the Lord with all her heart, and mind.

Yes I've met plenty of proverbs 31 women. So to you all.....I RISE UP AND CALL YOU BLESSED!

UnChristian Part 2

2008-04-27T23:33:00.000-07:00

My most recent post was in regards to how Christians, as a whole, are perceived. And if we are truthful none of the views expressed by "outsiders" should surprise anyone. At some point in our lives we've experienced a less than Christian attitude from those in the body of Christ. The question is-----How do we, as the body of Christ, change how the church is perceived?

One pastor in Sugar Hill Georgia asked himself that same question. In turn he issued an apology for his less than Christian attitude over the years. Their sermon sign read We're Sorry. No clever ante dotes, but a humble we're sorry.You can view the article here at The Christian Index. And also listen to the sermon he preached that morning at mysugarhillchurch.com.

No surprise that this has caused an uproar among some Christians who believe that there are no apologies to be made. Pastor Richard Lee, has been accused of watering down the word of God to boost his membership and has been called one sorry church by one blog. Overall from the 2 blogs that I've read on the subject, they have been pretty ugly, and I wonder if anyone listened to the sermon. I've listened to the sermon and in my opinion he's not compromised the word of God, nor has he catered to anyone. He's simply said the truth. And let's face it, some people can't take the truth.

The truth hurts, it stings and I realize that some won't get it. Through out the sermon Pastor Richard Lee has made it clear that he believes the word of God is 100 percent truth without error and will never compromise the word or Jesus. His mission and the churches mission is to love others, embrace them and help them on their journey to know and come to have a true relationship with Jesus. A relationship that transforms and changes from the inside out . It's not about man-made tradition...it's all about Jesus! I encourage everyone to read and listen to the sermon and judge for themselves.

What do Non-Christians Really Think About The Church

2008-04-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went to the bookstore in search of a particular book, Lord Save Us From Your Followers. After seeing this new book, the title intrigued me. However, the book wasn't available. Undaunted I roamed the store and saw another book that peaked my curiosity. Unchristian, written by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. Happy with my purchase I set out for home and devoured the book within one day. This is a book based on 3 years of research about what the younger generation, particularly those 16-29 years of age, really think about Christianity. Eyeopening----yes, but not surprising to me as I read what "outsiders" (the term the book used) really think about the followers of Jesus. Said many times by those interviewed, it's not Jesus they have a problem with, but rather those who call themselves His followers. One man stated this about Christianity. "Christianity has become bloated with blind followers who would rather repeat slogans than actually feel true compassion and care. Christianity has become marketed and streamlined into a juggernaut of of fearmongering that has lost its own heart." WOW!

It wasn't surprising to me that those on the outside view Christians as hypocritical, sheltered, have a get saved mentality, anti-homosexual, judgmental, and too political. I've often said if your going to talk the talk walk the walk. Unfortunately that doesn't always happen. I often find it unbelievable that a lot of Christians expect those who aren't christian to have the same ideals about morality that they do. Judgments are made about people without even getting to know the person. We jump to conclusions that often lead us camped out on the side of the road somewhere and wondering what the heck just happened. Are we really being Christ like? Are we following Jesus' example of Grace?

One job that I had, all the employees would meet in the morning and have prayer in the break room before clocking in. One day while working, a group of women were clustered together, and one said "Did you hear about that gay pride parade their having?" Yeah, one girl replied. "We'll I hope God strikes them all with lightning!" I couldn't believe what I just heard. Weren't these the same women I prayed with every morning? Unable to contain my anger and hold my tongue I stood up walked over and stated the following " The last time I checked God's Grace was extended to everyone. Do they not deserve the same Grace. Sin is sin, and there is no sin greater than the other." No one said a word. I'm not sure if they were caught off guard or simply searching their mind for a comeback reply. But none answered, they just looked at each other and quietly walked away. I have a couple of family members who are Gay, Muslim, and Louis Farrakhan Muslim, but I love them regardless of their sexual orientation or religion. Everyone in my family knows were I stand on these issues. We've had candid conversations, but at no time was I hateful, spiteful, or lacking compassion. I am simply the instrument that God uses. But if I'm brash and offensive I've totally turned this individual off and they may never come to know Jesus. It's about creating meaningful relationships and letting God do the rest.

A friend Kristina Alford has issued a challenge called the 3 challenge. Here it is in her own words:

The 3 Challenge:

Pray and ask God to reveal at least 3 people in our lives that we could be friends with.

Purposefully pray for them.

Purposefully set up times for coffee, lunch, dinner or outings to just hang out and do stuff with.

Invite them to be a part of our life—the good, the bad & the ugly of our lives

(Christ Followers aren’t perfect ya know—so key: to just be real…)

Realize that no matter what happens that we must choose to continue the friendship…even if they never come to know Christ…

a side note:

the idea was to not be so

“in your face”

and religious or fake…

but rather kind and encouraging,

simple, and real about life.

Growing up in the church I've seen some things done right and some done horribly wrong. If we are ever going to engage "outsiders" we must be honest with ourselves and evaluate what we've done wrong, learn from our mistakes and be willing to reach out to others in kindness, compassion, and love. I will leave you with this excerpt from the book Unchristian:

"Stephen, a seventeen-year-old from New Hampshire, offered this gut-wrenching description of his life in one of our survey: "what is God? Simply put, God is a figment of our minds grasping the sad fact that we have nothing else to believe in. I live alone. I am alone. I will always be alone. So Why should I lie to myself about a God that lets me live a life where the only people I care for treat me like s----? I want to die every day; that is my one wish. I pray to God for that, sure, but it's only because I need something. Every day I have to go through realizing that my life amounts to nothing. I quit."

"Does this tear you up? Do his thoughts about God offend you, or do you see them for what they are: an expression of his deep hurt? What would it take to help him, to keep him from suicide, to really see and develop his potential to be a Christ follower? It would take more than a few nice conversations. It would take sincere, deep engagement over many months to deal with his depression and anguish."

I recommend that everyone read this book!

As we forgive those who trespass against us.......

2008-04-07T18:26:00.001-07:00

Prayer comes so much easier when its something that we want or an event that catapults us to prayer for an individual such as a natural disaster, sickness, or some other traumatic event. However, it doesn't come that easy when we've been hurt. If you read my last post then you know what sent me into a tail spin this time last week. Since then I've been praying for forgiveness, and the ability to pray for the stranger that had me seeing red. The world would tell me people such as this girl needs no compassion, love, or prayer. "Let them all burn in hell!" would be what most would say. As much as I would like to say that, my heart won't let me. Even after the entire incident I found myself secretly praying for her. Bitterness and anger have such a way of rooting itself in our lives that it slowly turns a soft heart hard as steel. Forgiveness never comes easy. Forgiveness comes with getting on your knees and praying through the hurt. If I am in Christ and He in me then the end result is clear, Love your enemies. If He is merciful then I must be merciful. There is no fine line, no straddling the fence and no if's and's or but's. Through it all I pray, please Lord Give Me Strength!

Sticks and Stones

2008-04-02T09:47:00.001-07:00

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." We've all quoted this line at least once or twice in our childhood. A phrase that has been a rebuttal to someone who has said something cruel to us. Oh how I wish this were true, that words never hurt. But the power of words can cut us deeper than any physical wound could. The actions of others in our lives, whether they are strangers, friends, or family can leave us bitter, angry and wanting revenge.
The ugliness of what words can do hit me at my own home yesterday. While standing on my front porch talking to my sister on the phone a car drove by. Some girl in the backseat, whose identity was shielded by tinted windows, stuck her hand out the window, waved and said "Hi nigger." Needless to say I hollered back some not so nice language. Here I was in my own yard and minding my own business. It hurt me to my very soul. Richard wrapped his arms around me and tried to comfort me as best he could. I had the urge to beat that girl silly. But all I could do was bury my head on my oldest daughters shoulder and cry. I've been fighting against harboring any bitterness for this young girl, trying my best to muster a pray for her. Now I'm finding myself running the event over in my head like some bad episode. Honestly I'm struggling with having any compassion, forgiveness, or any feeling for this girl, other than giving her the whooping she deserves.

All these emotions flooded me and my mind was consumed with getting "even." However, I know that's not how you handle the situation. Some people might say "Oh anybody can be a n----r. Well, no they can't. This was a word specifically given to African-Americans, to demean, humiliate, and bully. This is not just a word, this was a stone aimed and fired at me. "Lord" I say "please don't let me be bitter, and angry. Help me to forgive because I don't want to."

She needs Jesus, just like anyone else. I'm trying to remember that, though wounded from her stone. And this is another lesson that I will learn about the grace of God, healing, praying and loving those who hate me just because my skin color is different.

I'm Back

2008-03-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

After a long hiatus I am back on the saddle again ready to blog. For some reason the holiday season takes its toll on me and I slip into a funk. Spring is in the air and I am rising up from the ashes. So join me as I continue my journey. Be prepared for a new post in a few days.

Pictures of Lady

2008-01-30T07:01:00.000-08:00

Here are a few pictures of our dog, lady, an English Springer Spaniel. She was having a relaxing evening in Richards Recliner..."old faithful". Ain't she just the cutest things!

Tis' The Season

2007-12-16T18:14:00.001-08:00

Christmas is just around the corner. Let the chaos begin! Tempers will flare, kids will convince their parents to get the one toy, plastic or electronic, they so desperately need. All the while the parents are aware they will risk sanity and possibly life and limb during the annual fighting of the aisle just to get it. In the end Santa Clause will get all the credit and that toy they screamed and hollered for will be chucked to the side in a matter of a week or 2.

Then its on to Christmas dinner at Grandma's and Grandpa's house. Well much more like a cottage where 40 people cram into the house the size of the old lady who lived in a shoe and had so many kids she didn't know what to do. Aunt Geraldine will gripe how the kids are running through the house, Grandpa will complain how cool it is while consistently turning up the heat, and everyone else is running outside just to cool off. And then there is that one family member who will say something stupid....you know the family member that apparently should've gone to see the wizard for a brain or asked Santa for one, And this of course will have your wife or husband raise an eyebrow and give you the look that says " Get the kids and head for the car now!"

Everyone returns home tired, exhausted and ready for the much deserved nap as a reward. But then you look around to the wrapping paper, toy boxes, and other trash trailed throughout the house from that morning and then it hits you. Next year we'll just stay home and I'll tell the kids there is no such thing as Santa Clause!

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

I can hardly believe that its that time of year already. This week families will be traveling, and scrambling to get home for thanksgiving. Tables will be adorned with food fit for kings and queens. We will eat too much, complain how full and miserable we are and 3hours later we'll do it all over again! And no doubt it will be that one relative that makes you speak in tongues and quote scripture in your mind for the entire time that you are there. Who doesn't love the holiday season?

As we all prepare for Thursday, let's start the week with entering God's gates with praises and thanksgiving.

Paralyzed By Fear

2007-11-05T21:27:00.000-08:00

I've been sitting on the post for a while. (1) thinking it over in my head. (2) Have been sick and just now able to post it. But the thing that I wanted to really concentrate on in this post is a serious thing for me. It's what drives me sometimes to do nothing. This thing causes me to doubt. This thing causes me undo distress in my life. This thing snaps at my heels like my little lap dog. This thing is FEAR!

Fear paralyzes me at the most needed times in my life when God is trying to tell me to do something. I can't because I'm immediately paralyzed with fear. It controls my life to the point that I am absolutely terrified the majority of the time. Ask my husband Rich, and he will tell you that when we go somewhere he's not the only driver in the car. And believe me it drives him crazy. To quote him "Stop side seat driving!" I'm always afraid that something is going to happen. And when it comes down to it I'm afraid of failing God! There I finally said....Lord I am so afraid of failing you! There have been many times that I have failed.

I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing....afraid of messing it all up. Our pastor has been teaching out of the book of Galatians on liberty. What true liberty is in Christ. As he taught one Sunday it dawned on me that I've never been free. I've never really experienced that liberty. Because since I was a child I have been fearful. I've carried fear around with me as long as I can remember and it has eaten away at me for years. Though I'm saved by the blood of Jesus Christ I've never allowed him to give me liberty.

Everyone has grown up with some issues that hamper our ability to truly be free in Christ. The question is what are we going to do about it? I memorized Isaiah 61:1-4 verses months ago. "The spirit of the Lord God is upon me. Because he has annointed me to preach good tidings to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound." However, I must admit that it never hit me in my heart until recently. Because it was just recently that I realized how jailed I've been by fear.

Lord you came for me. You came to open the prison that I've willingly walled myself in. Day by day help me to walk in freedom and liberty.

Love Thy Neighbor

2007-10-26T04:17:00.000-07:00

Recently, this past Sunday, our pastor issued the congregation a challenge. Show the love of God by Baking something for your neighbor. Our family decided on chocolate chip cookies. After leaving church I was excited about the prospect of baking something for a couple of my neighbors. What better gesture than baking something for someone else. It shows them that you were thinking of them and action is always better than words.
I've already baked my first batch of cookies for the neighbors on the left of us. It has always given me great pleasure to do things for others. I went over with a plate of hot chocolate chip cookies in hand. They loved them. I have one more batch of cookies to bake for another neighbor. But this one is a bit tricky. Let me explain.

Everyone has that one neighbor that will drive you crazy and test the limits of your niceness. This is the neighbor were you ask God to hold your tongue so that nothing mean or harsh comes out of your mouth, even if they would do good with a good thrashing of the tongue. I was standing in the kitchen the other night talking to Richard and said, "I don't want to do this, its way too hard." He replied "that's the entire reason for all of this, pursuing and showing the love of God to those we'd rather run from."

This particular neighbor has the tendency to say exactly what's on her mind, no matter how out of place it is, thinks that his/her child can do no wrong and mine are somehow the blame for whatever may happen with his/her child. Has used some inappropriate language in the past regarding my race, after been repeatedly told that the N word is not to be used in my presence. Let me just say it was never used in a malicious way. The list is endless. Since living in this house and getting to know this particular neighbor I'd rather not know this neighbor. In my mind I can see giving her the cookies and then her invading my life at the most inopportune moments.

In that instance I knew that this is something that I have to do. Anyone can do the easy thing, but the hard thing...that takes something else.......that takes humility, and the love of God. So with fresh baked chocolate chip cookies in hand I will love my neighbor and let God take care of the rest.

Having a form of Godliness.......

2007-10-23T07:45:00.001-07:00

I can't tell you how many times I've seen things like this on television. Pastors like these are dangerous to the body of Christ. They do not care about people just themselves. The love of money is what drives them. I could say so much more, but I will post more about false pastors.

Beauty in the Desert

2007-10-14T21:33:00.001-07:00

I often think of the children of Israel when they found themselves walking in the wilderness for 40 years. What should have only taken maybe a few days or a week took them 40 years to get through. What was it that caused them to close their eyes to God? What was it that drove them to do the things they done? Why did they not trust?

As I ask these questions I am brought to my own realization that I've done exactly the same thing. Through my own blindness, veiled eyes, and just being plain hard-headed I some how lost my sight.

Do we chalk it all up to human nature? Or do we see the sinful condition of our own heart in the process of going through the deserts and valleys in life. Traveling through the desert is different for all of us. But while traveling do we ever stop and see the beauty in the desert? Yes, there is beauty in the wilderness. And I fail to see it at times and stages in my life. The Israelites missed out on so much. Through their trials and errors we see ourselves, our own condition of our hearts.

Isaiah 44:20 states "He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say, "Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?" WOW! No wonder we are continually finding ourselves in the wilderness being purged of a deluded heart that leads us straight into ______ (name your vice.) There is beauty in the desert, its not hidden, we've just blinded ourselves but thank God that He chastises those who are His.

Psalm 19:13 :Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression." May I add.....BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

Peace Like A River

2007-10-09T10:59:00.001-07:00

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you."

Peace evades me. My mind is constantly turning. I can't concentrate. I'm agitated. Easily irritated. Not feeling much like doing anything. Chaos swirls around me like a tornado. Help me keep my focus on you. Not distracted by other things.

Talking To Strangers

2007-10-04T09:56:00.001-07:00

This past Sunday evening at church our pastor was talking about our mission as a body of Christ and a new missional church planting in the tri-cities. Our mission is to free people to embrace Jesus...to go to the people instead of waiting for them to come to us. In this area this is huge. There is not one place in this town that you can go without the presence of at least 20 churches in a 1 mile radius. We live in the Bible Belt. Every Sunday churches are full but there is something missing. It has been more about going to church than having a relationship with Jesus. It is more religion than relationship. If you ask someone if they're saved you'll get (1) I go to church and 2 (I am a Methodist, Baptist, etc...) . The one answer I'm looking for I usually never hear. After leaving church that Sunday evening my mind kept coming back to how I can be a light to others. I'm no longer in the work force, and I'm not in school right now. I'm a wife and mother of 4 children and caregiver to 2 others. Time is spent with my family all day. But God gave me my answer Tuesday, October 2.

Just about everyday I take my son Riley, and the 2 young brothers that I babysit during the week to the playground that is pictured above. This Playground is the cream of the crop! People come from all over to visit the state park just for its playground. This playground was specifically built for the handicapped and goes all the way back past the shelter in the picture. I will take some pictures and post later the entire playground so you can see for yourself.

On this particular day, as I watched the children play in the sand area (can't see in this picture) I shared a bench with a wonderful lady. It started with a simple "hello, how are you". We had a wonderful conversation and I learned a lot about this precious woman. She grew up in Connecticut, former Air Force, has lived in this area about 10 years, husband traded her in for a younger woman (her words not mine) grew up Roman Catholic and is now attending a Methodist Church, First marriage ended in divorce because husband was an alcoholic, was raised in a home where the mother was an alcoholic.

This is a lot of information, considering that I just met her. However, strangers will divulge information freely to people they don't know because its just easier. Of the many things that we discussed there was one issue that struck a chord with me. While in the Air Force she was invited to a black church by one of her friends. And if you don't know, it doesn't matter what black church you go to we are not a reserved people when it comes to church. She went on to tell me how scared she was in the midst of people who freely shouted praises, sang with soul, clapped and swayed as they worshipped, amened and waved their handkerchiefs throughout the service. But in the midst of feeling out of place she marveled at these people in this church freely worshiping God. She envied that because all her life had been, as she put it, living the typical Catholic life of hail Mary's and chanting. For the first time she had witnessed freedom in Christ!

As we continued to talk I was able to share some things. As my good friend Kristina said today as we talked on the phone, "all of our lives we have been told to never talk to strangers, which was for our own safety and is a good thing, however, that has spilled over in our adult lives and has become a hindrance in our ability to witnessing to others." Even if the subject of Christ, God never comes up, we are still witnessing to Christ. That old adage "build it and they will come" just isn't effective and isn't what Christ done. Christ went out and we are to do the same. You can be a witness to anyone, anywhere.

People are so imprisoned with religion that they've totally missed Christ, and some have never been properly introduced to Him. Have you talked to any strangers lately?

It's Not Fair?

2007-10-02T04:49:00.001-07:00

Jonah is a man that hardly anyone can forget. Mainly known for being swallowed by a fish, Jonah is not a fish tale story. No, this story is about God's unfailing love and compassion for all mankind. Jonahs a man who threw one heck of a temper tantrum. I often wonder how he fared out in the end after all was said and done. Did he ever grasp the unfailing and infinite love of God? Did he ever come to learn that God's ways are not our ways? Did he ever learn that God owes no one any explanation?

Jonah, like so many, had more concern over a plant that was eaten away by a worm than he had for the people that God himself had called him to minister to. Not to mention that God, himself, grew the plant to shade Jonah from the heat of the sun. Even though Jonah threw a tantrum worthy of a 4 year-old, God's compassion and love for Jonah is evident. He posed a question to Jonah, "Why are you so angry?"

We all have a little of Jonah. At times its hard to see through our anger and our judgment, but it's there. Stamping our feet, flinging our hands in the air saying, "Do you not know what they did to me? They don't deserve any mercy!" And like the Father that God is, he simply replies "Why are you so angry?"

God's love is limitless. It is our ways that are not fair. I would have liked to known if Jonah ever came to this realization and saw just how skewed his view was? He saw the city repent and just never got it. I'm the first one to raise my hand and tell you I didn't get it either. In all honesty, its a little harder to have compassion, or love for anyone that's hurt you or done things to you that you'd never speak to another soul. In my minds eye I'd say impossible, without God. They've sown the wind and they will reap the whirlwind. Yet, mercy and compassion, and forgiveness is not limited, God freely gives to all who ask and repent.

God's mercy, unfailing love, and compassion is for all , even the one's we've written off!

Hello Fall

2007-09-26T14:09:00.001-07:00

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. Deep golden yellow, red, and brown leaves litter the earth. They hang from trees like ornaments at Christmas time. Have you ever just drove through the mountains around this time of the year? The sun is brighter, the air crisper. I marvel at the beauty that God created. Endless flowing mountains, that etch the skyline with color and such beauty that it literally takes your breath away. I'm looking forward to the days where you have to wear a sweater because its just a bit nippy outside, days where you can sit by a bonfire and toast marsh mellows while having good conversation with friends, and hot chocolate on cool nights. I can see God's hands on everything in this world, I just see it a little more clearly in fall.

Extending Grace

2007-09-24T09:46:00.001-07:00

After a weekend of being on my last rope, and the kids being on my last nerve, God in all his glory, gave me one word to mediate on. That word is GRACE! Last night I pulled out my Bible and concordance and dived right in making note of all the scriptures that grace references to. Now, what really got me was a still small voice that stated "Evette you know what grace means, and what it is, but you are not extending grace."

Ouch!!!! All I could do was sink back in the bed and agree. Another eye opening experience for me. Another lesson learned by the gentleness of the Holy Spirit. It is easy to extend grace to others. Yet, my downfall comes when extending grace to my own family. Just when I think that I've gotten over the hump something happens and the hump I thought that I'd gotten over chases me down like a rabid dog chasing the mail man. Now I was asking myself why? Why did I have no problem at all with "others" and had a problem with my own children, and my husband?

Family can easily get on your nerves and push your buttons like no other. Strangers you don't know, have no tie with. Compassion is something that we all have but don't act upon at times. Depending on who it is plays a huge roll. My children know how to push the buttons and send me head first into a storm of fury. However, whatever they do doesn't warrant me from extending grace in any given situation. There were so many things that I could have done differently this past weekend. My emotions don't have to rule over me no matter how frustrated, upset, and stressed that I am. Grace isn't limited to "others". Grace begins in my own home with my family.

He's 6 Today

2007-09-21T03:59:00.001-07:00

Today my little boy is 6 years old. I can remember driving to the hospital in pain on the night of September 21, 2001 listening to Briannah say, "look at the moon mommy it's so pretty." I'm sitting in the back seat saying, "please don't talk to mommy right now, she's in too much pain." So much time has passed, and he is growing into a little man....my little man. He's changed from that blond haired, blue eyed, little boy that I gave birth to 6 years ago. He looks different, but yet the same. I'm looking forward to seeing him grow into a man with his own dreams and a family one day. Happy birthday baby, mama loves you!

My Grandmother's Story

2007-09-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

Death. This is a word that most of us cringe at when we here it escape the mouth of someone. We don't want to ear it much less think about it. I can remember as a child thinking that my grandparents would live forever. In my mind they were immortal. They would always be there no matter what. However, I lost my father (grandfather) April 2000 of cancer. And I tell you that it wasn't a funeral but a home going celebration. If there ever was a man that walked the walked it was my beloved grandfather. I look back on the past with fond memories, inspiration, and life lessons.

Last week I spent some time with my grandmother. My grandparent’s home was a home for all the homeless grandchildren. Me and my first daughter lived there for a while. It was home, and it still is. As we sat talking my grandmother shared a story with me. A story of death. Her death. The entire conversation began with recalling memories about her beloved husband, my dad, and how she still talks to him today, even though he is not on this earth. She is in her perfect mind and knows full well that she will see him someday.

On this day my grandmother did not just share a brush with death, but a glimpse of heaven. Yes, I said it...she saw heaven. Here is her story that I would like to share with you.

I had just given birth to Lawrence Jr. (her first) It was a hard labor, and an even harder delivery but he was a healthy child. But something happened. I started to bleed and the doctor's couldn't get it under control. Life began to drain from my body and I felt lighter and lighter, and before I knew it I was floating in the air. Then the most beautiful white light I had ever seen seem to envelop me. Not a blinding white light but soft, bright, and beautiful. There was an indescribable peace. My feet touched the most beautiful mountain that I had ever laid my eyes on. Lush green grass surrounded me, flowers everywhere. It was beauty all around me. I started up the mountain to the top. As I walked I stumbled and I felt a hand gently grab me by the elbow to keep me from falling. I never saw the hand but I knew wit was Jesus. Just when I reached the top of the mountain I started floating...floating....back into my body. The doctor's had brought me back. Yes, I know God is real, I know heaven is real and I'll be going home one day to be with Jesus!

I'm welling up right now as I type this. My grandmother had just shared one of her most intimate moments with me. There are skeptics who say she was hallucinating, just imagined it, but those of us in Christ know different. We may mourn, but not as the world does. Though I know her day will come and I will mourn, I will be singing and praising Jesus as he welcomes her into his arms.

To Live is Christ, To die is gain!

A Woman's Dream

2007-09-14T20:26:00.002-07:00

Okay, this is wishful thinking. Oh what I could do with something like this. Too bad it really hasn't been invented yet. One would think, since we've come so far in the technological age, this would have long been created. We can dream, can't we.

It's Not About Me

2007-09-14T12:55:00.000-07:00

Everything is all about self. We are self-seeking, self-driven, materialistic individuals who are driven by our own passions. One thing that we all have in common is that we are searching for true happiness. We think that if we got that pay raise, bigger house, better car that we'd be alright. We can't escape it. You can't turn on your television these days without being saturated with "self".

Maybe we think that if we conform to society that all our dreams will come true. But when we get all those things, does happiness ever truly come? Does keeping up with the Jones' make up for what we are lacking. Now I'm not talking about the world. No, I'm talking about followers of Christ. I'm talking about me and others like me. Those of us who have accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior.

For a long time I was not happy. I thought if I had this or that, then everything would eventually fall into place. Even after I had accepted Christ in my life nothing had changed and this is why. All this was set in place by one instance in middle school. That day changed me.

I was in the seventh grade and in that awkward pre-teen stage. I was standing at my locker and this girl came up to me and said "Don't you have anything else to wear. You wear that same outfit seems like everyday." I gave no rebuttal. I was so hurt that all I wanted to do was run home as fast as I could, climb into bed and never face the world again. Of course throughout the rest of middle school and high school things did not come any easier for me. We've all been through the cruelty of school. I made a promise to myself that I would have everything that my heart desired. At all costs!

That one incident in middle school had marked me with a vengeance, and I never knew it. Even after accepting Christ I felt that something was missing. I wasn't living the life of liberty that I had heard preached for so long. I was spiritually dying, heck I was almost dead. Even then everything was all about me! It was about my desires, passions, and about what I wanted.

All of it is vanity. Here today, gone tomorrow. More of Jesus and less of me is the only thing that brings true happiness. Happiness can't be found in a bottle, can't be found in any materialistic thing. Being a follower of Christ is not simply showing up to church, singing the songs, listening to the preacher and going home still empty. It's only when we give up our selfish mentality and stop trying to fill the void with stuff and let Christ fill those empty places that true happiness comes. Everyone of us has an emptiness that nothing can fill but Christ. Try as we may to fill those empty places, they will never be filled unless we make the decision to decrease and Christ increase. For far too long I've made it all about me. Now all I truly desire is to be who Christ wants me to be. His passion is my passion.

Wonder Woman Syndrome

2007-09-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

Wonder Woman was one of the first shows that captivated me as a child. I especially loved the part where she twirled around and adorned an outfit complete with a golden lasso on her side. Heck, this woman even had the invisible plane. Let's not forget super human strength. Yep, she was the epitome for women. She had the ability to save the world in one day and never even break a sweat.

Women have abilities to multi-task, something my husband can't do. I can, with a single twirl, turn into Wonder Woman. I can lasso my kids, when needed, in one rope all while cleaning, cooking, and taking care of what needs to be taken care of. At one time I was going to school full time, working full-time, wife to my husband, and taking care of 4 children. It seemed that I had the strength to take on the world. I was a woman on a mission. Thank God school ended and I quite my job, to again stay-at-home with my children.

Even then I reveled in my ability to do it all. It became a prideful thing. And we all know what happens to the prideful, God is always able to humble and bring insight. And I have found out that the longer you walk life's Journey with Christ, lessons are taught. Just like the lesson I learned this past week, and one that I am still meditating on.

When you think that you've got it all together and you can ultimately handle anything, something comes along and it shatters everything. The other day my life was filled will little irritating things. I ended up full of anger, frustration, and the feeling that I am unappreciated. That's when I felt the pressure of Wonder Woman! While frustrated and feeling the weight of being Wonder Woman, God brought a verse to mind to mediate on.

Psalm 68:19 (NKJV) "Blessed be the Lord, Who daily loads us with benefits, The God of our Salvation!"

Now I am asking, why am I not feeling those benefits to make it through the day? What are those benefits? After discussing this with my beloved sister-in-law, Rebekah, I know what part of my problem is. I have the Wonder Woman Syndrome. I can do it all, the world says that I can do it all; however, God says you can't do it without me! I'm sure that I am not alone and this syndrome is wide spread. It is God that gives me what I need on a daily basis. Problem is I wasn't letting Him. While I'm confident that there are those who will disagree with me and maybe suggest that I've set the women's movement back about 100 years, I know different. I know that doing it all with human strength leads to pride, frustration, anger, and possibly a nervous breakdown. I'm still meditating on the word of God and allowing Him to speak to my heart, show me what those daily benefits are, and show me what's preventing. I've traded in Wonder Woman, and her golden lasso!